When did going for coffee start to mean something else entirely?
I have been trying to date and as I don’t really do the bar scene the only way that a workaholic computer geek can meet men is on the internet however I think I am missing some minutia in the language that internet daters use.
Going for coffee = pick me up for sex?
Going for dinner = Blow job in my car?
Meet me at my office = (you don’t want to know what that guy wanted.)
I shudder to think what going to a movie might mean.
I talk to these guys for three or four days of nice texting back and forth and finally get to the point where I think I am comfortable enough to maybe meet them in a well lit room to see if there is a spark. What was once a nice date turns into a situation where I have to have an extraction protocol similar to a C.I.A agent in deep cover? This is disturbing.
Going for coffee.
I started to talk to this guy and things were going well, his picture seemed normal and not to out-there so when he asked me to go out for coffee I thought “cool maybe we can connect”. Well we connected alright. We got to the Tim Horton’s about 7:30 and started to chat. He was charming and I really liked the look of him, professional and handsome in an understated way. It took about 20 min of light chit chat before we got to the meat of what was really going on. He was in a loveless marriage to a woman that he has known for 15 years (no shit its loveless YOUR GAY.). He proceeded to tell me all kinds of crap as to why he was still with her and that she was O.K with him seeing other guys because she was as well. I started to get the feeling that the parachute I had on was really a knap sack.
This is a scary feeling to have on a first date.
He was making plans to take me back to my place and we could fool around a bit before he went back to the little woman.
This was never going to happen, I have a little woman of my own at home (my roommate) and doubt that she would have appreciated a random stranger in our house. I told him this and things got cold very fast. You would have thought that I had turned on the air-conditioning in minus thirty while making him sit on a block of ice.
Now I know what you thinking, why did I not just up and leave after I heard that he was married? Well to be frank he pissed me off and I wanted the opportunity to get back at him for not telling me that all he was after was a fuck buddy. I started asking questions about his marriage and the moral implications of his cheating on his wife. How was he ever going to have a relationship if he couldn’t be honest with himself let alone anyone else? You know things that make this type of douche bag uncomfortable. This ended the “date” and we went our separate ways with the usual online catch phrase “good luck in your search“ which loosely translated means “fuck-off”.
I went home and felt kind of sick to my stomach because I really like this guy. From what I saw he had all the parts I like in the right places. He was well spoken and interesting. Then I remembered the fly in the ointment, He was MARRIED. NEXT.
I have been trying to date and as I don’t really do the bar scene the only way that a workaholic computer geek can meet men is on the internet however I think I am missing some minutia in the language that internet daters use.
Going for coffee = pick me up for sex?
Going for dinner = Blow job in my car?
Meet me at my office = (you don’t want to know what that guy wanted.)
I shudder to think what going to a movie might mean.
I talk to these guys for three or four days of nice texting back and forth and finally get to the point where I think I am comfortable enough to maybe meet them in a well lit room to see if there is a spark. What was once a nice date turns into a situation where I have to have an extraction protocol similar to a C.I.A agent in deep cover? This is disturbing.
Going for coffee.
I started to talk to this guy and things were going well, his picture seemed normal and not to out-there so when he asked me to go out for coffee I thought “cool maybe we can connect”. Well we connected alright. We got to the Tim Horton’s about 7:30 and started to chat. He was charming and I really liked the look of him, professional and handsome in an understated way. It took about 20 min of light chit chat before we got to the meat of what was really going on. He was in a loveless marriage to a woman that he has known for 15 years (no shit its loveless YOUR GAY.). He proceeded to tell me all kinds of crap as to why he was still with her and that she was O.K with him seeing other guys because she was as well. I started to get the feeling that the parachute I had on was really a knap sack.
This is a scary feeling to have on a first date.
He was making plans to take me back to my place and we could fool around a bit before he went back to the little woman.
This was never going to happen, I have a little woman of my own at home (my roommate) and doubt that she would have appreciated a random stranger in our house. I told him this and things got cold very fast. You would have thought that I had turned on the air-conditioning in minus thirty while making him sit on a block of ice.
Now I know what you thinking, why did I not just up and leave after I heard that he was married? Well to be frank he pissed me off and I wanted the opportunity to get back at him for not telling me that all he was after was a fuck buddy. I started asking questions about his marriage and the moral implications of his cheating on his wife. How was he ever going to have a relationship if he couldn’t be honest with himself let alone anyone else? You know things that make this type of douche bag uncomfortable. This ended the “date” and we went our separate ways with the usual online catch phrase “good luck in your search“ which loosely translated means “fuck-off”.
I went home and felt kind of sick to my stomach because I really like this guy. From what I saw he had all the parts I like in the right places. He was well spoken and interesting. Then I remembered the fly in the ointment, He was MARRIED. NEXT.
Going for dinner.
The next date I had was a little better. We had been talking for about a week and this time asked the question about being married and he answered no not married but his brother and he shared a place. I thought O.K that’s not too weird.He asked if I wanted to meet him. I thought what the hell.
We met at my local Boston Pizza for dinner and I knew he had a long drive in as he lived in Camrose which I thought was nice of him. The least I could do was buy him dinner. The night went well and I thought we were connecting he told me about his family and his Siblings and his family and his mom and dad and his family and his dog and his family and his faith and his family….. I had no idea what the hell the family was until I had it explained to me by some friends of mine what it was. I guess it’s a rural cult that has had such distinguished members as David Koresh.
I had no idea of this at the time but the rush of air that blew past my ear that night must have been a bullet.
Anyway after dinner we decided that going for a drive might be nice so we got in my car and drove down to Hawrelak Park to see the festival of lights (didn’t know it was canceled). We sat in the park and decided our next move. He kissed me. It was kind of romantic. We kept kissing and kissing then I felt a slight pull on my neck so I kissed his chin but the insistent pressure of the hand on the back of my neck kept pulling me down and I thought “shit I think he wants me to give him head” at that point I pulled away and looked him straight in the eye and told him that I don’t let people eat in my car let alone do that. He looked at me and blinked and blushed a bit (how lady like) and said he was sorry. I told him it was O.K but maybe we should go out a few more times before we end up in a situation where I need to have hand towels available.
We drove back to the Boston Pizza and he got in his car.
The next day he sent me a nice text saying he thought we wanted different things out of a relationship and "good luck in my search".
Meet me at my office
I can’t even go into this one. This was not a date but a blatant request to hook up with mounds of dirty talk and again someone married (to a guy this time but no difference in my mind).
I thought it would be safe to meet him in his office for a first meeting. You know safe, lots of people around, it was lunch time what could go wrong.
Needless to say I got the hell out of there in a hurry and did not stop to tell him "good luck in his search".
I have come to the conclusion that I need an on-line dating translator. I wonder if iphone has an app for that?
Guy Number One: LOSER! But a loser with a patter. I think it's absolutely fair for you to prolong the date by asking him uncomfortable moral questions about his loveless marriage. TOOL!
ReplyDeleteGuy Number Two: WINGNUT! Seriously, he belonged to the Family. 'Nuff said there. Ask River Pheonix.
Guy Number Three: Sheesh. If all he wants is some bumpy-rumpy in his goddamn office, he should just be clear about that in his profile. It's not like there's a shortage of men willing to take him up on it, and it would save guys like you time. Sheesh.
Listen, I know it's frustrating, but keep going. Eventually, you'll meet someone who is neither a douchebag or a wingnut and the wait will be worth it. Just don't lower your standards, no matter what Jon Lovitz says!